THE INFILTRATORS: Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind
by Joyous Spring
Summary: The planet Irk is in dire need of its worst enemy, water, and sends two Infiltrators, Lemei and the seemingly incompetent Xavier, to Earth, the only planet that seems to have more than enough of the precious resource. Part 1 of a series.
1. Log

Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind ****

Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind

Author: Joyous Spring

Summary: The planet is in dire need of its worst enemy, water, and sends two Infiltrators, Lemei and the seemingly incompetent Xavier, to Earth, the only planet that seems to have more than enough of the precious resource.

Genre: Humor/Adventure

Rating: PG-13 [Adult humor, language, scientific reference]

Date Started- July 24, 2001

Date Completed-

Author's Note: This has absolutely nothing to do with the actual plot of the series "Invader ZIM". I wanted to try something different and have had this in my head for a long time. I do have images of Lemei and Xavier, just a href=mailto:Midnitevision@juno.comE-mail Me/a for some. R/R, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters were created by and © to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon Studios, and Viacom International, Inc. Lemei, Xavier, and any other related characters are © to myself. The following has been written simply in an act of fandom for others to enjoy. I do warn though, plot-stealing is unacceptable (note the dates I marked)-- I have several sources who will testify for me. Do I sound scary to you? Didn't think so…

__

24:01:56

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768102

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

I'm getting worried. I've been hearing talk of a collapse in the supply of one of our most dire

Resources-- water. Though nearly all of the Irken species is deathly allergic to this unusual

Substance, it has proved to be a wonder in the advancement of machinery and technology,

If used in the correct manner. I don't really know that much about engineering and shit like

That; I'm more of a science person, as you already know. Anyway, it's getting late, and I'd

Better finish what I can of my research tonight. If I succeed, I will be able to locate a planet

With water so they'll shut up. Sometimes I just wish we had more competent leaders, or at

Least a different way of running things.

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

24:03:59

35:03:23

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768103

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

Success! I've located a planet in sector 009, uncharted territory for the planet. No wonder,

It's mostly a barren universe, save for the one planet that will prove to be most useful to us:

Earth. I'm anxious to report to the Tallest, but I think keeping them on their toes might 

Make it a little more worthwhile.

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

35:05:56

48:21:43

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768104

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

I think I've waited long enough. It's been a few days now since discovering this 

Earth planet. I've been researching the beings that inhabit the planet. They call

Themselves "humans", although the correct term is "Homo-sapiens". They are a 

Very cultured race, unlike most others I've seen in my days. They reproduce gen-

Etically through a process called "oral sex". I think I was born that way, though   
my height makes me unsure. Cloning has long since replaced genetic reproduc-

Tion on this planet, making most of us fairly short. I'll have more information

Soon, I hope. This is very intriguing…

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

48:23:59

50:01:36

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768105

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

I managed to stumble upon some more information on the "humans". They wear

Clothing, although it's not like ours in the least. They also have follicles of hair 

On several parts of their bodies, most noticeably on their heads and genitals. 

They speak and write in many languages, though I believe the most universal of

Them is one called "English". I'm looking into studying it tomorrow. I ordered

A few books, which should come in tomorrow. I think that's enough research for

Now. I'm tired, and that's a difficult feat to achieve. I'll write more on my findings

Tomorrow, and hopefully gather enough information to present to the Tallest. 

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

50:03:40

06:56:32

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768106

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

The anatomy of the human body is impressive. The skeletal system consists of 206 

(for some, 207) bones. They have many major organs, including the heart, which

pumps blood throughout the body, the lungs, which enable them to breath a sub-

stance called "oxygen", the stomach, which is where food is digested, and the brain,

the central part of the nervous system. I also am starting to learn English. It's fairly

easy compared to some of the others I've taken on, but it could take a few days to 

learn to speak it fluently. Until then, I will have to delay my presentation. 

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

06:58:57

50:05:76

Log Status: Login 

Entry #: 0768107

Rank: Infiltrator

------------------------------------------

I'm learning English fast. It gets easier all the time. I can write some of it, and

I speak fluently now. I think I'm ready to present my findings to the Tallest. That

Means I probably won't be able to login for a few days, but I don't mind. 

Lemei

Log Status: Logout

50:07:40


	2. Presentation

Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind ****

Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind

Author: Joyous Spring

Summary: The planet is in dire need of its worst enemy, water, and sends two Infiltrators, Lemei and the seemingly incompetent Xavier, to Earth, the only planet that seems to have more than enough of the precious resource.

Genre: Humor/Adventure

Rating: PG-13 [Adult humor, language, scientific reference]

Date Started- July 24, 2001

Date Completed-

Author's Note: This has absolutely nothing to do with the actual plot of the series "Invader ZIM". I wanted to try something different and have had this in my head for a long time. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters were created by and © to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon Studios, and Viacom International, Inc. Lemei, Xavier, and any other related characters are © to myself. The following has been written simply in an act of fandom for others to enjoy. I do warn though, plot-stealing is unacceptable (note the dates I marked)-- I have several sources who will testify for me. Do I sound scary to you? Didn't think so…

Lemei looked around nervously as she was teleported inside the main Irken ship, clinging to her reports and notes, among other things she would use to showcase the planet she had been researching the past few days. She could only hope they would listen to her. 

Inside the ship, she searched around, until she found a seemingly small line behind two large doors. She stood in back of the line, noting her surroundings. Most of the other Irkens in the line were considerably taller than her; she stood at 2'5" while the rest were, for the most part, over 3 feet tall. She was the only female there, but that didn't surprise her much. Suddenly, her name was called and the doors flung open. She stepped inside timidly and they shut behind her, blowing chilled air in her direction. She looked on to see the two Tallest seated in chairs, waiting impatiently. She stood frozen for a moment, violet-colored eyes still. She then talked herself out of it and began her presentation.

"Sirs," she said, saluting quickly. "Talk has come of the planet's water supply." She quickly pulled a small object out of her pack, and it opened up into a transparent, floating screen. "I, in my spare time, have been researching for the past few days, and I think I've found a planet where we can get an unlimited supply." A 3-dimensional image of Earth appeared on the screen. "Earth." Both leaders gasped when she said the name of the planet. They quickly turned around and began to discuss something, unknown to Lemei.

"What are we going to do _now_?" Red whispered hastily. "The only planet that we can get water from is the same planet where ZIM is.." Purple grimaced at the name of the incompetent Invader. It had been long since they had sent him there, and, aside from the occasional reports, he was not a problem any longer. At least, until now. Purple sighed.

"We're just going to have to send a few Infiltrators to another section of Earth," he proposed. Red blinked.

"A few?" 

"Well, incase Zim should happen to find out. I mean, Infiltrators are much more experienced than any Invader. And, considering the danger in being on the same planet as he, I think two could handle him." Red nodded, and they turned back to the little Irken, her almond-shaped eyes showing confusion.

"It's agreed, then." Red announced. "You will be sent to Earth to find a source to the water there." Lemei grinned uncontrollably. 

"Oh, thank you, my Tallest!" she exclaimed happily.

"Ah, but you won't be going alone." Purple pointed out. "We're sending another Infiltrator with you." Lemei scowled.

"Another? Please, my Tallest-- I think I can handle Earth by-" Red put a hand up, gesturing for her to be silent. 

"You will report back here tomorrow at 0700, understand?" she sighed and saluted.

"Yes, sirs."


	3. Xavier

**·Infiltrators Of The WORST Kind·**  
  
Author: Joyous Spring  
Summary: The planet is in dire need of its worst enemy, water, and sends two Infiltrators, Lemei and the seemingly incompetent Xavier, to Earth, the only planet that seems to have more than enough of the precious resource.  
Genre: Humor/Adventure  
Rating: PG-13 [mature humor, language, reference]  
Date Started: 24.7.2K1  
Date Completed:   
  
_Author's Note: Well, it's time to meet the other Infiltrator after over 6 months of the mysterious hiatus. Hehee. Fans of Lenore will like this.  
_  
Disclaimer: All characters were created by and © to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon Studios, and Viacom International, Inc. Lemei, Xavier, and any other related characters are © to myself. The following has been written simply in an act of fandom for others to enjoy. I do warn though, plot-stealing is unacceptable (note the dates I marked)-- I have several sources who will testify for me. Do I sound scary to you? Didn't think so...  
  
  
CHAPTER 3: Xavier  
  
Lemei stepped into a large room, hoping the Tallest would forget about their appointment. Bitter thoughts entered her mind as she paced impatiently.   
  
_I don't see why I need a partner.. I'm much smarter than the others. Why the hell would I need one!? A slave would be okay, but another Infiltrator!?_  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of doors opening and closing. She turned to the far wall, seeing the shadows of her leaders. She saluted respectfully, then proceeded to greet them. She stopped, however, recognizing a third shadow. Her expression narrowed, and she glared, as the third was pushed into the light. She stared, confused by him, at a loss for words.   
  
He was nearly twice her height, to start off with, bearing the male version of the Infiltrator's uniform, which was blue in color. His eyes were sunken and glazed, a deep shade of blue, with a touch of insanity to them, or so it appeared. His antennae were normal, save for the left one being bent in several places, and his head was normal as well. He bore scars across the left side of his face, adding to his freakish atmosphere, and seemed to be positioned off-kiltered.. even drunk, for he was slouched and wobbled a bit. The thing that really took Lemei by surprise, however, was that he had only two fingers on his left hand, and the normal four on the other.  
  
She shook her head in disbelief, as Purple pushed the pathetic figure before her. She looked up to him, annoyed with having to do so, and hastily stuck a hand out, expecting him to shake as a friendly gesture. Instead, to her surprise, he responded by screaming "BLOODY FUCK! DON'T TOUCH XAVIER!" and sat on the ground, staring up at her, the crazed look in his eyes intensified, pupils extremely shrunken. She blinked, confused and scared by his reaction, her hand still outstretched to gesture him. Finally, she came to her senses.  
  
"Umm... who, or WHAT is Xavier?" the psychotic Irken didn't drift from her face for a second, staring.  
  
"Xavier IS Xavier!" He screamed madly. The Tallest winced briefly. "Eh, well, his name _is_ Xavier..." Purple explained. "He prefers to speak in third person most of the time, though..." Lemei could not believe that her leaders had picked an outcast to go with her on such a vital mission.   
  
_He must be trouble,_ she thought to herself bitterly. _Why else would they want to send him away with me?_ A final sigh from her, and she bowed, signaling the departure of the two.. Or so she thought, as she reached to pull the crazed Irken from his spot on the floor. He screamed wildly the moment she touched him, and to avoid frightening viewers, let's just say in the end, he wound up inside her base bound in a straight jacket, as well as gagged.  
  
  
  
NEXT TIME: _"Lost"_  
Xavier wiggles his way out of his entanglements, but is quieted(at first) when Lemei offers him some Earth music, Japanese to be specific. Dancing and screaming along to the words, will he drive Lemei to insanity? One thing's for certain, and that's that once he spills one of her experiments over the control panel, it's sure to be a long, insanity-driven ride.. 


End file.
